You know you live in New Orleans when...

-- You have FEMA's number on your speed dial.
-- You have more than 300 C and D batteries in your kitchen drawer.
-- Your pantry contains more than 20 cans of spaghetti.
-- You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering your windows.
-- You keep an ax in your attic and you know why.
-- When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you say it has 3 bedrooms, 2 baths and a safe hallway.
-- Your social security number isn't a secret, it's written in magic marker on your arms.
-- You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.
-- You are delighted to pay only $3.50 for a gallon of regular unleaded.
-- The road leading to your house has been declared a no-wake zone.
-- You decide that your patio furniture looks better at the bottom of the pool.
-- You own more than three large coolers.
-- Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain; now you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight
-- You catch a 13-pound redfish in your driveway.
-- You can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner's and flood insurance policies.
-- At cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest chainsaw.
-- You have had tuna fish more than 5 days in a row.
-- There is a roll of tar paper in your garage (if you still have a garage).
-- You can rattle off the names of the meteorologists who work for the Weather Channel and you want to name your next child after that guy.
-- Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.
-- Your "drive-thru" meal consists of MREs and bottled water.
-- You spend more time on your roof than in your living room.
-- You've been laughed at over the phone by a roofer, fence builder or tree worker.
-- A battery-powered TV is considered a home entertainment center.
-- You don't have to worry about relatives wanting to visit during the summer.
-- Having a tree in your living room does not necessarily mean it's Christmas.
-- You know the difference between the "good side" of a hurricane and the "bad side."
-- You still think it's normal to live below sea level.